28 December 2009

About as Much Sense as a Nursery Rhyme

It's been almost three weeks since I've posted. I would blame finals, but they're finally over. I would blame APNC, but that's mostly over as well. So I guess I'll just blame will.

Brief run-down:
Finals went fine. Grades were appreciated--even the stupid Russian/Writing History course went well. I think it helped that we had a bigoted, right-wing, nut job in the class who accused us all of being communists. He also threw out candy as prizes during his oral presentation...I don't really have high hopes for him.

We have a youth pastor joining us mid-January. Just in time for the HS retreat at Bozarth--something I and many others were hoping would work out. His name is Stuart and he came HIGHLY recommended. I have spent very little time getting to know him (and even less his wife, Colleen), but his Sunday School lesson was great and all the students enjoyed him and that speaks volumes to me.
I am sorry for the other candidates and their families. We got to know some really great people and I wish them all the best. I wish some could still come hang out.

Work is work. Yesterday I subbed for Brandon, who just had a baby and his girlfriend was in the hospital for popped cesarean stitches. Subbing for him put me on close with KayLea, who is one of the girls they hired this past summer, making her and I two of the newest people there. We've never closed together before. It was insane. Because it was the weekend after Christmas, lots of people were leaving town for home and decided to order giant lists of giant drinks on their way out. I think it's perfectly reasonable to be a bit enraged at the man/family who orders 6 large drinks in the drive-thru then doesn't tip a penny.
Regardless, KayLea and I had fun even in the midst of madness. It was exhausting though.

Speaking of work, my manager has gotten Brandon, Cory and I to start watching Lost.
It's a show I always knew I would watch, it was just a matter of when.
I'm half-way through season 2 and I find it to be "alright".
A list:
What I like--Locke, Sun, the scenery, numbers (though I miss 47), flashbacks, how I feel like I need to be on narcotics to understand certain aspects
What I don't like--anything to do with Jack, Michael, Charlie, Walt's dog, how everything has to be solved with fists or guns. Actually, my list of things I don't like could go on, but I watch the show anyways. So what does that say about me.

Ok, my bloggingness is fizzing-out and I'm being distracted by $5 mp3 albums on Amazon.
Maybe I'll do some sort of "end of the year blog special extravaganza". But if you hold your breath for it, you might die. So don't.

Who said days-off can't be at least semi-productive,

09 December 2009

Legs to Make Us Longer

we have a new youth pastor at WS!
More to follow when I don't have a Russian presentation looming over me.
Thank you my friends for your prayers these last months!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

04 December 2009

Confetti's More Fun Than Paper

It never fails.
The Friday I have something major due, directly followed up by something else, is always the Friday that Katey can't work.
Now, I'll forgive her cause she's nice...well, except for that one morning she scheduled off because she was going to the premiere of "New Moon".

Regardless, my day began at 5:30.
Mmm 20* darkness. How I love you.

Fridays are kind of a hectic day down at ol' Barracuda. I can never remember if "Friday On" or "Friday Off" is more busy. Whichever one today was, that's the one.

The end of this story that I'm trying to get to is that I had a paper due today. And by paper, I mean, freaking-mass-of-boring-crap-and-way-too-long-requirement-to-ever-benefit-mankind. I was less than thrilled. It doesn't help that I really don't like the prof. Usually, if I like the prof at all, or just have a general respect for them, I'll put a good amount of effort into it. This guy is kind of a jerk. He's probably one of the most brilliant people I will ever meet. No lie. But he's pretty full of himself and his scholarly ways. And he likes Russia. Really, I think that's where my fundamental fountain of dislike for him stems from.

So, I'm "a history major". I like history. People sometimes gag when I admit that. I'm used to it.
If I were to pick one place and one time of history to NOT study, it would probably be Soviet Russia. Guess what my entire semester of "Writing History 300" has been about?
Did you guess? Eastern Polynesia during the Age of Imperialism, you say? Nope. What is Stalinism and Soviet Russia, Alex?

I could go on complaining about this man and how the other class I'm taking from him (a 102) is probably 9.4x harder than any other course I've yet to take in my entire academic career, but I won't.

So this paper. It was due electronically at 5 PM. I sent it in at about 5:03.
It was crap.
I'm kind of ashamed. But what am I gonna do? I felt no interest, no tie, no inspiration to this paper. It was probably the most cut and dry assignment I've ever had to do. And oh yeah, it was supposed to be 12-15 pages.

It wouldn't surprise me if I get a 'C'.
That'd be new.

What is surprising is how done I am.
I'm so tired of school. Fifteen years is so long. Too long. The majority of my life has been spent in education.
Now, I have nothing against education. I rather enjoy learning. I just wish we didn't weigh our futures so heavily upon what we learn within the first quarter of our lives. Shouldn't all of life be a learning process? Why do we have to have it all done, in the formal sense, so early on?
The quandaries of a third-year college student.

After the paper-which-shall-not-be-named, I drove off to Ralph's for yet another APNC dinner. This time I bought the beans. My hamburger was burnt. So eventful.
Mostly, I went upstairs with the chill'uns. I actually got little Rebecca K. to smile and play with me! That right there was a feat I never expected to accomplish.

Let me just say how awesome it is being around the kids and youth at events such as these. Not APNC in particular, but any such function. Don't get me wrong, I love me a little "Adult Time", but being around kids is just so much more rewarding. As long as you're goofy and willing to be on their level (which vertically I easily am), they'll take you in. They're agendaless! They won't ask, "so what did you think of this" or "so how was your day", but not really care. There's little need for awkward, forced conversation.
Therefore, most of my post-dinner time was spent catching ribbon butterflies shooting out of an elephant's trunk and playing hot-potato with various balloons. And I enjoyed myself.

Now, what says Post-APNC-dinner-after-party in KaraLynn's mind?
I'm glad you asked.

Crashing a 14-year-old's birthday party, duh.

Don't you just love it when you think your entire evening is going to suck and it actually turns out way better than you thought possible? I know I do.

Although it was kind of ironic that at this after-party, we watched Anastasia. I did however inform the naive girls that in reality, Anastasia was brutally murdered with the rest of her family. No one escaped. Even the evil Rasputin was poisoned, drowned, shot, and thoroughly hypothermiated to the death.
Now that's enjoyable history at work.

Cheers to the immensely inaccurate animated portrayals of historical events which will forever be etched into the future generations' minds (Disney's Pocahontas, this means you!),

26 November 2009

Is the Snow Deep Enough for Us to Dance in

In order to commemorate Thanksgiving today, I wore clean underwear.

Then I had an allergic reaction to something I ate, or just something in general.

And just because someone enjoys your service doesn't mean they enjoy it enough to tip you on holidays. Just an FYI.

Bed before 9:30. Gift card extravaganza tomorrow.
So excited.


I'm gonna go have a fit of cool epilepsy now,

23 November 2009

6 Ft 8

I was racking the few brains I have, trying to come up with something to blog about. Not that I don't have anything to say and thus this post is worthless, but mostly because the thing I do have to say is probably worthless, but I just want to savor the moment...?
Yeah, let's roll with that.

Today was a productive day.
And by productive, I mean I sat down and watched five episodes of America's Next Top Model.
If that doesn't scream PRODUCT, I don't know what does.
I was excited that for once, I actually liked both girls in the finals. Also, the girl I picked from Day 1 was the champion supreme. Mmmhmm. Her winning, is like a double win for me. (I am nodding in silent victory to myself as I type, don't know how I feel about that...)

Moving on:
Besides catching up on ANTM, this is a very nice week.
Even though I am working every single day, I have no school and am really looking forward to seeing friends home from college.
I am excited to just be.
Not be running around or finishing a school assignment.
To just be.

In other news; I totally had mashed potatoes for dinner and they were delicious. Counting down the days, Molly.

In case you were not aware--

To not seeing Tyra Bank's face again anytime soon,

19 November 2009

Correct(ed) Over Time

I've never wanted April to come faster in my life.
(sounds like the opening to some erotic fiction, but it's not)
I think I have blog Tourettes, sorry.


17 November 2009

No Distance Showing

Attempt # 49 to put off my history paper:

13 November 2009

Discard and Discover?

It's amazing how the little things can set me off, at least inwardly.

I suppose that's how we can determine what we're really passionate about, and who we truly love.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

09 November 2009

Gibberish Slurs

So I finally decided to spend the iTunes gift card I got for my birthday. Well, most of it.
I obviously bought the bonus tracks from the album of the artist(s?) whose names I shall not mention for fear of beating a dead horse.
Also bought Iron On (Kate Cooper!)'s old EP and another album I've been meaning to pick up, Spoons by Wallis Bird.

Now, one of the benefits of enjoying guitar powered music and playing the guitar is that the two can go together. Crazy, I know. Bear with me.

However, I neither have the time or experience to be completely stellar at guitar. Mostly I just mess around and play the same couple songs over and over, repeat.
But listening to Wallis, who rocks the acoustic (and has an amazing Irish accent to boot), I believe I have found the key to becoming a strumming genius.

All I need to do is have a traumatic accident occur in which I lose most of the fingers on my right hand and have all but one of them reattached. Score. Key. Instant success. It has definitely worked for Wallis.

Wait. I don't believe Kaki King has had anything traumatic happen to her digits. Flawed again. Going with hierarchy, Kaki wins any day in my book and thus I shall spare my fingers. That and I'm kinda attached to my pinky finger. Too bad. I really thought I was on to something.

Still a ten-fingered, rambling, guitar player;

01 November 2009

Step Up Stranger

So candidate numero tres is a no.

It was a somewhat heart-breaking decision to make as this was the only candidate we've pursued (this far) that we've had to reject. It's also unfortunate because we really liked him as a person, but just didn't see a ministry fit. And his wife is phenomenal. Everyone that met her asked, "Can we hire her?"
Sadly, no.

So we're back to square two...or three. I've lost track.

We also collectively admitted that this process is tiring and we're wearied. We are doing our best to find the best fit for West Side and for the Youth and we don't want to settle. For my two cents, I don't think the candidate that the committee is "looking" for can be found. No one is going to fit every one of their criteria. But then again I am a cynical optimist.

I really liked dude #2. He was reserved, but with a substantial depth. After being around him, to quote a comment I heard, "you really got the sense that he cared about you as a person and wanted to get to know you more." I think that THAT is youth ministry and really any form of ministry. I think it's all in the personal relationships.

And ironically enough, the main hang-up with him seems to be his wife. She doesn't seem ready to make a major move geographically or emotionally. She seems really attached to where she is (I went back and fixed the grammatical error there, all for you, Molls).
Albeit, we're not hiring the spouse, it's still something to consider as we want the person we hire to be supported on all fronts.

It's just so drawn and arduous.
But we're in it for the long-haul.

I just wish we had something tangible.

To commemorate, I have chosen this comic:


30 October 2009

Wrap Me Up, Unfold Me


Today I did something very un-KaraLynn.
I didn't do something I was expected to do.
I didn't do something other people wanted me to do.
On one hand, I feel guilty.
But on the other, I feel kinda rebellious and relieved (can those two go together?).

Today was just one of those days. The kind where you just feel like crap and don't want to do anything but lie in bed and listen to sad music.
But that's not what I did.
I did everything I was supposed to do today except, I skipped the APNC BBQ.
There, I said it.

Following Youth Worship Band practice (which is another matter entirely), I drove home to pick up the baked beans I was bringing and my mom had amazingly volunteered to make for her busy daughter. Then I set off for Ralph's with every corner of my heart dreading another 2 and a half hours of my time spent under other peoples' expectations and control.
When I was about 3/4 of the way to Ralph's, I decided to re-check the schedule and make sure the dinner hadn't started at 5:30. To my further displeasure, it had started at 5. I was pissed. Just another rotten cherry on my melted ice-cream sundae (the food imagery = I was hungry, duh). So there I am, with like a gallon of baked beans, I am tired, and pissed and altogether ready to throw in the towel on all things WS.
And then, in the form of a mystical chime, I was given an out. Jake texted me, inviting me over for monopoly at 8. I quickly responded I might be able to make it, then typed out my dilemma while turning the corner to Ralph's (driving and texting, something I swore I would never do...). Jake then invited me over "whenever".
That was all I needed. There was no way I could have been pleasant at that dinner. Well, I could have, but it wouldn't've been honest.

Even though I feel guilty about more-or-less purposefully skipping the dinner, I feel even more guilty about the vast quantity of baked beans which now reside in the fridge. I suppose I'll tell madre tomorrow.
As for the rest of the committee, I'll see them in less than twelve hours. I don't know exactly what I'll tell them...

I'm just so spent.
My plate is too full. The baked beans are sloshing out.
I admit it.

Solution: TBD.

Fartin' Barton,

29 October 2009

Kneel, Condition Your Feelings

So yesterday I did something really dumb. I wore brand new high-tops with low-cut socks. I now have a nickel sized patch of rubbed-clean skin. Awesome.

Other than that, I am gearing up for a marathon weekend. *exhale* Thankfully I had the time to shower tonight so I should be good for three or four days.

I plead APNC, mostly.
We're bringing out our third interviewee.
The good news is this will probably be our last visit. Mostly because we're out of money...and we're all exhausted. I'm trying really hard not to be resentful over the whole process and some of the people involved. It's no easy task being on a church committee, let alone one that meets every week for months on end.
I'm SO ready for this to be over. And hopefully (fingers crossed), we'll have a new Youth Pastor all decided upon by mid-November.

But enough about that.

The good news is, Canadian mail is about 10x better than USPS. I know everyone was gripping their seat in anticipation of me getting my Canadian mail and I'm very pleased to announce that my Tegan and Sara bundle has arrived.

I don't know why the photo is sideways...I'm perplexed to say the least.
If you want to hear the CD, which I know you do, come sit in my car with me and we will drive and chat and groove to lyrics that will rock your world. Believe me, I don't lie when it comes to Tegan and Sara. I can pretty much tell you anything that you want to know about them, well, except maybe their shoe size, but I think it's a 7, maybe 6.5.

Creeped out yet?

Seriously though, come chill with me in my car. 'Tis one of my favorite things to do. I'll drive you somewhere. Anywhere.

I think the four shots (of coffee) I had aren't going to let me sleep anytime soon. Which is unfortunate as I have to work at 6 tomorrow. I feel like Finn on cold medicine.

Further embarrassed,

27 October 2009

Go Steady with Me

The post might be semi-incoherent/tangent laced because I'm finding it hard to focus due to the fact that it is SAINTHOOD DAY and I am soooo distracted by the beautifully captivating lyrics pouring out of my stereo speakers.

I'll leave you to figure out that one.

So on Sunday I drove Kyle back to EWU because that was literally the only time we could spend together during his short visit home. I'm so glad we did it that way too. I love that guy (in the most platonic way possible, of course). I find him to be one of the easiest people I know to talk to. And talk I needed. And let's face it, what better time to talk than when you are confined to a very small space that is hurtling down a freeway at 70 mph.
We geeked out a lot too. Movies, TV, Final Fantasy, Glee, Company of Thieves, Tegan and Sara, Zelda, singing Oscar Wilde. These are a few of my favorite things. Oh the beauty, it astounds.
When we arrived at Eastern we walked around in the dark and reminisced more. I met his reclusive roommate and then departed into the dark void between Cheney and the TC. It was a good trip. Much needed. I think I already said that, but oh well.

Pause for listening to catchy riff.
Now my keyboard has become a drum, sweet!

Other than that, life is pretty general.
Though to pierce my head, that would be a feat.

I'm contemplating a lot of things lately. Well, more just re-contemplating. When I decide what to do, you may be among the first to know. Though I don't think I'd ever do it via blog.
yeah, this post is totally sound and in no way ambiguous.
Just the way I like it.

Now you know you know it now,

23 October 2009

How Do I Know If I'll Make It Through

God is good.

when a blog starts out with that, I'm pretty sure it's a good sign...

Tuesday night was the whole facebook chat debacle which left me feeling a giant hole in my gut.

The very next night was a 180.

Instead of having the usual Refinery at WSC, we moseyed on over to Bethel to hear a guest speaker from down under. The place was packed. I've never been in Bethel before, but let me just say MEGACHURCH.

Anyways, most of my girls and I sat in the ginormous overflow room.
This is who we heard:

I didn't know it at the time, but the boy who wanted to kill himself was at the event as well. He went forward for altar call and he was crying.

God knows what we need. He knows what He's doing.
I'm glad someone does.

20 October 2009

I Know More Than I Knew Before

I don't know.
And it sucks.

I have a fourteen-year-old girl telling me via facebook chat that her boyfriend is threatening to kill himself and his best friend wants her to fix it.

How do we get here?
How do we get out?

As I respond back to her, in-between prayers, I'm pretty sure she texts her boyfriend, pleading for answers and reasons I don't think any fourteen-year-old mind can truly comprehend.

It feels so surreal. So raw and bright and painful.

I don't think he'd go through with it. But I don't want to rest on an assumption.
I was fourteen once. I was quasi-suicidal. I'd never go through with it. But the need to make it all stop was still there, like a pulse.

"...I think the world needs more kind people in it, no matter who or what they are, or do....And I can tell you this with certainty: You are worthy and capable of finding a way to live your life just the way you really are. And there are plenty of good people in the world who believe that a life like yours needs to be lived...Go ahead, give yourself permission to become the kind of person you've always dreamed you could be."

I just wish the world tried harder to emphasize how valuable every single person is. I like the way a woman from India who was in my Gender class last semester put it, "We don't waste people, everyone has their gifts." In context, she was talking about the hijras of India, but I think these words apply to all of God's creatures.

Maybe I'm just idealistic.
Regardless, prayer is paramount.
I'm fucking terrified.
These kids, they're just kids! They shouldn't need therapy or meds or to have all the sharp objects in their room locked up! Or have to feel like if they abandon one another, the consequences will be grave--literally. Trapped.

Keep breathing. Baby steps. Live. Life.

14 October 2009

I Should Just Concentrate and

First, a photo:

That's the small part of my "small group" that was there tonight. It was actually a very good session. Very good. So much laughter. I love it.
Not that I don't love all the other girls, it just makes things less intimate with more voices.

Second, a short story:

So I was talking with my school friend Jordyn (yeah, weird, I have a friend!) and we were talking about facebook and stalking people and I made a comment that the majority of my friends on facebook are middle school girls. She gave me the freakiest look. I admitted I am a creeper, but it's ok because "it's for Jesus".
She then burst out laughing and we changed subjects.

Third, an event:

Michelle and I took a girl from our small group to Artsy Fartsy last night. Sooo much fun! I am not creative in the decorating or painting regard at all, but it was awesome just to spend time with them and laugh at each other. I wish I could do stuff like that more often. I also painted a bowl, I can't wait to see how it turns out.

Fourth, my bowl:

I can't pick it up for two more weeks, bummer.

That's about it. Well, pretty much. But I'm not going there.
Guess in your minds.


10 October 2009

Spider v. Bat; Tiger v. Rat; Owl v. Dove

So, I told Molly I would blog tonight.
I half regret that as my eyes roll back in my head and I curl up more cozily under my quilt. Regardless, this will be a much shorter blog than I planned on (oh yes, I plan my blogs, what kind of J would I be if I didn't).

Mostly what I was going to blog about was my day (hmm, go figure). It was a crazy one. I went at 6 this morning and opened with Kristin. She nonchalantly told me that the wi-fi was down and no one knew what to do to fix it, not even the Cline's computer guys. Now normally, the only bad thing about wi-fi being down would be that it's much harder to check my facebook on the go, but at work, our computers need the wi-fi in order to charge credit cards. This especially means bad news for whoever is running the drive-thru (i.e. me) because they have to ring up the order in the back and then explain to the customer, "no, I'm not running away with your credit card, I need to go up front and scan it because I've been building up bad karma for days when I work."

So my legs were thoroughly streched today, along with my patience as the back-up credit card machine crapped out for 10 minutes and then the computers had to be rebooted. Awesome.

Josh, the manager, was also working this morning and he tends to get stressed out easily. Possibly even easier than I do. Which is somewhat surprising. Hmm.
So most of the first seven hours of my day were spent like that. :)

Much to my pleasure, Molly randomly texted me during a down moment and gave me a textie-hug...I'm making that a word. Seriously though, Molly, I really needed that! Also, I downloaded an Eisley CD. I haven't listened to much, it's ok...I think I'm the type of person new music needs to grow on, so I'll get back to you after I've listened to it a few more times. We'll see if that happens before Sainthood comes out, once that does, nothing else will even be streaming through my headphones. Currently I'm stuck on Metric though. Nice beats, random words. OK, tangent.

So after work, I walked to the front of the store to find (pause for dramatic effect) Rebecca! Once again, it was so nice to just sit and talk to an actual person, not a crazed customer who had not been filled with caffeine and paid with a nickel and a credit card yet. We do need to do that more often, I mean, we live in the same city(ish), how hard can it be?

Tomorrow is Sunday, which means APNC. Let's just ignore that for now. I feel my shoulders tensing already, hurray!

Well, tomorrow is another day. Where does all this time go? It can fly for all I care. I wish I could fly. Stream-of-consciousness-writing. Interesting. I'm gonna pass-out.

May all your wi-fi connections work,

06 October 2009

I Know You Feel It Too (Well, probably not you)

DISCLAIMER: This blog is completely irrelevant, it is just me rambling on to myself about one of my obsessions, because I have no one else to ramble about my obsessions to.

Got off work today at 12:30ish. Came home, played guitar, got ready to take a shower. But I decided it would be a good idea to check some of my usual websites before-hand--who knows when the world will implode and how else would I know but to check my regular sites?

So I'm on this one news-site and there I see "On Tegan and Sara's New Single: Hell". Say no more.
Now, if you ever really get me talking about music, like really, I will divulge my obsession with the Canadian duo. Like, I kinda think it's unhealthy how much I love them. Really.
So I watch the video and then go on iTunes to listen to the 30 second sample. It's just not enough. I have controlled myself from purchasing the single, b/c I've already pre-ordered the album and it's coming at the end of the month. But it's too long to wait. On top of that, I see that iTunes has some "Bonus Tracks" available by album only. No. freaking. way. I ordered mine directly from the T&S website. Am I gonna get those tracks? I hope so. I hope so...
I guess I could break my Tegan and Sara code and pirate them later if they don't come with my pre-order.
Words cannot express.
If only I knew someone slightly less obsessed with them than me, I would go to their concert in January. Until then, youtube shall have to suffice and my heart will yearn for this next album.


30 September 2009

Don't Lose Yourself/Don't Let Yourself Be Lost

I have a love/hate relationship with Wednesdays.

This is fact.

It is easily the busiest day of my week and I mostly love it.

Actually, I mostly love Refinery.
And by that, I mean I love the people at Refinery.

My small group this year is craxy (<- not a typo, btw).
It's just Michelle and I which means the sarcasm is flowing like fresh, golden honey and we burst out laughing at random moments. We have three of our girls from last year, 5 freshmen, an exchange student and a girl who transfered from the other group. I love them all, but putting them all into one room with somewhat stupid questions to discuss is completely insane. CHAOS! Half of our discussion is just getting everybody quiet.
But as I stated before, I love it all. It is probably one of my favorite hours out of the week.

What I don't like about it is this: I feel so inadequate. But in a way, that's good. At a seminar I went to this past spring, the speaker, Chap Clark, stated that we can't be everything for the youth we work with, but we can point them in the direction of someone who can be. (Insert Sunday School answer here) But what do I do when someone isn't sure they even want help finding God anymore, that they don't even want to be here (in a couple senses of the word). That came up tonight.

This girl showed up at Refinery last fall, pretty much out of the blue. Since then, she has grown so freaking much and not just spiritually. She has a really crappy background and even her present isn't all that charming. She went on Deputation and had the mountaintop experience and now she's falling hard. I don't know what to do for her other than pray and be there for her. She's a great girl/gal/young woman and I don't want her to lose sight of herself and value in the influence of others and the world.

Please pray for her, if you would. May God sustain her spirit and place strength and trust in the people around her.

Thank you. I didn't mean to bog this blog down with this issue, but it's weighing on my heart right now.


26 September 2009


Only read this if you have 10 minutes and can follow the instructions below. Gracias.

If you're gonna watch this, do it right.

1. Make sure you're in a quiet room, preferably by yourself.
2. Turn off the lights.
3. Press play.
4. Make is fullscreen
5. Watch it straight through.

25 September 2009

I don't want to complain but...

We just got 30 more candidates to review for the APNC. The mere thought makes me shudder and my shoulders tense up.

Good thing I don't have anything else to do.

22 September 2009

Where a Merman with a Twinkle Casts a Hook in Me

I love the way this woman says the "U" word.

Why am I still up?


20 September 2009

Wanna Leave But the World Won't Let Me Go

I think I hold resentment towards worldly expectations.
Mostly I say this because of France. Mostly I say this because I want to be done with school. And when I say 'done', I mean I don't want to do it anymore, to the point of dropping out.
I know I won't though. I don't quit when it gets hard, I don't drop things that I'm tired of, I just resent them.
Basically, I know I'm smart and I don't think I need a degree to tell me that. Unfortunately the world sees me differently. And I struggle with that.

My ideal life:
I work part-time at Barracuda and make bank in tips.
I have a side-music project which brings in the rest of my money as I produce completely annonymous tracks.
I do Refinery every Wednesday, but don't have to have a Friday music practice because everybody already knows how to play their instruments and they don't have ADD.
APNC ends immediately and we have the perfect Youth Pastor.
School is unnecessary as I learn everything I need to know from outside reading and Wikipedia.
I have dual-citizenship with Canada.
Nobody moves away.


13 September 2009

So Play It Back In Reverse

I feel like I'm falling behind.
But I don't care.

The one thing I really came away with from Albania is a sense of peace. I know, crazy when compared to some of the moments on that trip, but I felt like everything slowed down. Not in the creepy-time-warp way, but in the
I didn't put as many expectations on myself. I let myself relax.

That's the blog I started at 2:15 this afternoon before I rushed out of Faye's house (where I was house-sitting) to check the "hidden" schedule at work, pick up a shirt at my house, fly to WS for APNC, dash to Albania Debrief across the parking lot and whirl down the stairs to a presentation about the trip. Now in the midst of that, I got an "urgent" message that I needed to call Jake on his cell. Fearing some overly-dramatic emergency had taken place, I quickly called him back. Really, he just wanted me to work tomorrow at 6.

He also mentioned that he had tried calling me at the Serene's and talked to Faye. At the sound of her beautiful name, my brain flew into panic mode--yet again. They weren't supposed to be home until tomorrow. I hadn't picked up--I left dishes in the sink, my homework was strewn across their table, I hadn't plugged the ethernet cable back into Gregg's computer, on and on.

Now, this may seem a bit 'over-the-top' or so. Especially considering the current state of my room is styish at best, but I take care of peoples' stuff. They were home and their space was not in the way they had left it. I had failed.

I spent the rest of the presentation bouncing my knee, eyeing the clock, waiting to make a mad dash out the door. I get an e-mail from Jake: "Sorry. Need you at 5:15. Hope u get this!" Amp up the anxiety just a tad more.

It ends. I make my way out of the sanctuary--casually saying good-bye and cracking sarcastic jokes to the high-schoolers. I get in my car, put on decently easy-going music and do my best not to speed to Faye's. I get there. I can see her in the window, washing at the sink. I knock on the door. Henry barks, Faye answers.

The smile on that woman's face could calm the freaking stress out of anybody, let alone, KL the 'J'.
She had moved my stuff from the table and counters and put it all together on the couch, Gregg had washed the dishes, both were in great spirits (though I think the freshly washed wine glasses may have helped a bit in that department).

We all talked about our weeks and how things went. I told them about missing the border to Canada and Faye showed me a video of her and her neice laughing (she says we still win btw). I pack up all my stuff and leave with a renewed sense of peace, even though I'm calculating the amount of sleep I'll get once I finish reading about Soviet Russia as I drive the short distance home.

I hardly get in the door when my mom says there's someone on the phone for me. I heave my shoulders thinking Oh God, what now? Thankfully, it's a voice I love to hear, Michelle. She tells me they figured it all out with Nicci and to disregard the e-mail from Jake, I don't need to work tomorrow. Even though I could use the money, it was such a relief.

I also believe that it was such a huge blessing and "I've got you're back, kiddo" on God's part. He once again showed me that he has an amazing sense of ironic humor (one of my favorite kinds!) being that I had started to write about how I've been trying to slow things down and take life easier, especially on my own personal expectations and then everything just snowballed out of control and he just took the lead and showed me he was looking out for me the whole time.

Kinda sorry this is so long, but I've heard it said that if God does something for you and you don't proclaim his power and awesomeness, then you've kind of failed on his part. "For his namesake". That's what it's all about. So put your left leg in and shake it, especially when he demonstrates his power and love for you, his child.

Off to read about the history of the Soviet Union (joy),


08 September 2009

Take a Breath/Take a Breath/With Me/Blow by Blow

I don't really have anything to say tonight.
Ok, that's kinda a lie. I'm sure I could go on about my life and the random details and adventures which occur within it. But I don't know that I will.

Menial details (I suppose I can at least get away with these):
Finally went to Canada this past weekend. It was good, I had a fun time with Jeremy, Kyle and Maribeth. However, if you happen to go up en-route of Metaline Falls (which is the border entrance closest to Idaho), make sure to get there before midnight, otherwise you will be forced to retreat down the hill and attempt to find a camping spot. There are some interesting ones to be had...indeed.

School is boring. I can't wait to be done. Although I do enjoy my "History of Imperial Russia" Prof. She is a bizarre--in a good way.

Work is good. I can make a pretty amazing latte now, though the designs still turn out as deformed hearts or nonsensical swirls. I found out today that the bosses are also letting Nicci go, which I find to be unfortunate. She is, without a doubt, the hardest worker there and I'm sad to see her go. At first I was really intimidated to work with her, but as the past few months passed and I gave her a few rides home, I really started to enjoy her personality and strength. I could totally think of somebody else I'd rather have them fire (two actually), but I'm not the boss and I'm glad I'm not.

And so that brings me to church...yeah.
APNC -> still searching
Refinery -> starts next week
Youth Worship Band -> oh crap, I need to start that again soon, don't I?!
Albania/Deputation -> 6 hours of sharing and debrief this Sunday (can't it just end already? for once I'm glad I have an APNC meeting that afternoon).
There's probably other stuff, but oh well.
Mostly I just miss the kids and want all the meetings to go away so we can finally get started and get back to being with them.

That's all I'm putting out there for now.

Have a refulgent evening my friends/blog stalkers,


03 August 2009

Sunlight Wakes Me Just To Say Let's Go To Sleep Now


I'm home. I'm tired. My skin is tanner (socks!). My hands are rougher. My thoughts are migrating. I'm happy I went. I'm happy I'm home.

I'm not going to lie. This trip was tough. I felt out of place going into it, unsure if this was really something I should do. Some people were hard to work with, some people were just hard to be with. Thankfully, God dropped a lot of my expectations going into the trip and I felt calm and ready to just walk with him. Unfortunately, humanity is still a struggle and fear is never far behind.

Well, 9-hour jet lag is getting the best of me. I should be waking up, not going to bed. Sigh.
I will post again. Soon. As in like, maybe tomorrow? Yeah. Plenty of pictures and stories to share.

Peace out home-dogs.


09 April 2009

I Strive to Fall Down

My words are no where near capable of introduction other than this is a beautiful and powerful video (or at least I think so) which is uncoincidentally appropriate for today.

16 February 2009

If I Keep Up This Way

I admit, the wedding was actually quite good. Many moments of silently chuckling to myself about the little things.

Between "Kevin's Cool Car", aching feet, death-metal-t-shirt-clad-best-men, seeing a smile on her face, being followed by a zombie, having a 12-year-old try and do my hair, and Jewish dancing; it was a good time. And I'm actually somewhat content that it has finally gotten to this point.

The most important part of it all though, was what God convicted me of and spelled out to me the next morning in such a blatant way:
"A friend loves at all times" -Proverbs 17:17
I am so sick of living by a double standard, in so many ways. He's gently nudging me to the truth and giving me the compassion and eyes I need for the road ahead.


P.S. Two bits of awesomeness, just because it's a holiday (and I need to undermine any seriousness that just went on).

13 February 2009

Are You Ten Years Ago

This weekend is going to be a roller-coaster.

Now, under normal circumstances, I rather enjoy roller-coasters. Get your head and neck whacked around while moving at high speeds, listening to the people around you screaming. Pure joy.

Emotion roller-coasters, as one could imagine, are quite a horse of a different color.

Tomorrow, I head off to the magical land of corn fields and keggars. And no I'm not going all the way to Iowa. Strangely enough, for the first time ever I'm going up to WSU. The "official" one. But that's not the exciting part, so if you were holding your breathe with anticipation, this is the time....I'm going to retrieve the tall one known as Maribeth and kidnap her away to Canada. Except she probably won't have her passport on her, so we'll probably just come back to the TC.

I'm actually really excited. I lurve roadtrips (the few that I have taken). Halfway by myself, halfway with one of my best friends = awesome. Plus, there is a high probability that I will get to see another great friends of mine, Jaymee, whom I haven't seen since her birthday. Last May.

So that's the fun part. And let's face it, this wouldn't be KaraLynn's blog without a mellow-dramatic downside somewhere.

Pretty much directly after our return from roadtrip bliss, we will be setting up and readying for rehersal, for a wedding.

First off--not a fan.
Not that weddings aren't nice and all...
But formal is not my style. And yes, I will be standing in front of God knows how many people in a dress. Thank Jesus I won't be at the center of it, but it will still be very unnerving.
It also doesn't help that I don't really agree with the method of problem solving. But that's another blog entirely. Actually, that's too much emotion and history for any form of mass communication....I love ellipses...have you noticed?

The oldest picture I could find of all of us (minus me of course) on digital. Summer '04. My how things were different...

15 January 2009

...and All My Forgettable False Starts

I feel like I've forgotten how to start a blog. Like I need some catchy line that instantly interests people and subconciously tricks them into reading all about my life and my issues. Was I successful?

Well, I'm just going to jump right into if it you don't mind.
I am feeling very apprehensive. About quite a few things actually, but in the forefront is the retreat this weekend. I've found whenever I'm about to begin a "new" experience or go somewhere with a group of people, I begin to get a bit scared. Mostly, I think it's because I will not necesarilly be in control of my time and I will be at the mercy of others and their actions and emotions. I'm also a bit pissed because the three people (students) I hang out with at church the most are not going which leaves me feeling even more vulnerable. Now before you say anything else, I know that as a leader I am supposed to be there for every student. I am supposed to encourage mingling and facilitate an all-encompassing and open environment. For the most part, I believe I do that. I'm pretty good at that and the West Side kids are pretty good at doing that themselves. But there are times when I need a break. Unfortunately, there is only so much I can take of some people (especially when we're all in a confined space for an extended period of time and other various factors).
I won't bore you with other details of where my character fails or my flaws may surface.

I told Ben I'm going to hang out with him and Sara all weekend and that she and I are going to be "besties" by the end of it. A somewhat terrifying yet satisfyingly amusing thought. I'm sure that won't happen, actually I pray that won't happen and I also hope they spend some time apart as well.

Ok, I think I'm done ranting about the retreat. (Don't hold me to it though just in case.)

Segue into life on a larger scale and even more ginormous: God.
So, the past few weeks or month, actually, I've had a lot of time to think (stress on lot). I can't help but think that God is calling me to certain things. That I'm discovering bits of His will in my life, but I am very unsure and even more apprehensive about them than about this four-day retreat. I know that if it is God's will that I'm dealing with here, then the overall outcome will be worth any troubles or pains endured, but the thought of taking those first steps kind of terrifies me--again going back to the idea of losing control over the situation. I don't know where I'm going with this...I just have this little voice in the back of my head prompting me that this is the way I should go. God? I don't know.
Time to go renew my mind.

That's about it.
Little update of my life.
Little peek at what exists of my sanity.
Little show of the larger flaws that exist in me.
Hurrah, everyone's a winner.

And just for kicks...
What I don't enjoy right now:
~metal chairs in 30* weather
~middle-aged women who talk about everything
~accidental breakages of my favorite coffee mug :(

What I do enjoy:
~iPods (must be sung in a "hallelujah" choral voice)
~free wi-fi
~This comic

05 January 2009

KaraLynn + Jesus = Forever <3

I really just want to carve that into a tree right about now. Or maybe find some fresh cement.

Wow. The most spectacular and powerful force in this entire existence loves me and wants to spend eternity with me. My words just can't do justice.

I could run away
You would never leave
You will always stay
Right by my side