Casually Cruel

1 Peter 3:8-9

⁸ Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters.^[a] Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. ⁹ Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it.

Hard words to put in to practice when you feel like you're always getting the short end of the deal.  That you do more for less.  When you see others go without consequence for doing something you know you would be judged for.  For seeing people you thought were your friends slowly slip away and you become so much less than.

Enough of that.  I need to escape the confinement of expectation and discover a new plan.

I went to Sunday School/Bible Study this week for the first time in a couple years.  It felt good.  I think I've been slipping down the slope of going through the motions of being a "good Christian" of late.  Especially with the rapid disintegration of the small group that I really felt God wanted me to create and be a part of.  That mixed with other reasons have made me feel more apathetic about actively spending time with or seeking God.  It all just seems so discouraging.

However, I am so thankful for the handful of true friends I have around me.  I always think it's funny how God tends to take the people I expect the least to ever have anything in common with and before I know it, they're the people who seem to be there the most.  So many of my really good current friends or people I have been closest to in the past have been people I never thought I would like when I first met them.  Shows what I know.

Not a whole heck of a lot.

-KL

Grudge Has Still Got Your Heart

The worst part about being a responsible grown up Christian, if you have a problem with someone, you have to go to that person directly and face it.  Even if you heard about said problem from someone else, you can't continue spreading the issue before resolving it with the original fire starter.  And if the secondary person wishes you to not tell the source that they told you about it, then you have to wait for the source to gather their grievances and approach you then.
Right?
  What a messed up and sickening web we humans weave.

Reverent Love Burn Us Up

This week has been overestimates and underestimates.  Very few moments have been right on par with what I expected.  Mostly, my heart has pumped more adrenaline than I thought possible without going into cardiac arrest.

So Sunday night.  A typical one.  Went to WS at 5 for worship practice, then walked upstairs to the aptly named Upper Room to wait for youth to show up for Fuel.  They always trickle in over the first 20 minutes so most of that time is spent socializing and checking in with students on what they have going on in the coming week.  A lot of jokes, laughing, and social games.  I got a text in the middle of this icebreaker period.  It was unexpected to say the very least.

Michelle wanted to get together and ask me "about something very personal" and she was "a little scared too", but would be ok with anything I said.  Despite being one of my longest and most trusted friendships, Michelle and I had had fewer interactions and conversations over the past year or so.  If there was something personal she was scared to ask me about, there was only one thing I could think of that it could be.  All I could think was that there was no way she could be more scared than me.  I also remembered I still had two hours of hanging out with Christian high school students and this was no place to have a panic attack.

I made it through seeing the youth off for the night and after grabbing my guitar went out the back sanctuary doors into the darkness to find my car.  Finding myself outside without the threat of worrying the students and other leaders that something was wrong by collapsing to the fetal position in the middle of Stu's talk, I began to feel the gravity of the situation that lay before me.  I wish I were kidding when I said this was my worst fear brought to life.  It sounds foolish, but I was terrified of Jake and Michelle finding out I was gay.  I imagined losing some of my deepest friendships, my second family, my job even.  Man-alive am I a pessimist or what!

When I drive, I normally have a concrete block attached to my gas pedal.  This night, I drove 15 mph the entire  40 mph stretch of Aaron Drive.  I felt physically ill upon arriving at Applebee's for the designated meeting.  Bless her heart, Michelle greeted me with a smile.

After a couple minutes of light banter and me refusing to order anything that I knew I wouldn't be able to eat or drink anyway, we got on to the reason we were there.  She told me that people at work had been talking about me.  She didn't say who exactly, but rumors had been weaving through the Cuda lately and people were questioning her and Jake about me and she wanted to come and talk to me about them rather than continue the whispers and gossip.  She told me that she and Jake had become increasingly worried about me as they could tell I was completely miserable at work and torturing myself over something but there was no obvious cause so they knew it was something big.  She assured me that their love for me was unconditional and all they wanted for me was to be happy.  She asked me if I had thought about or was questioning my sexuality.  I don't know that there is ever really a "right" time or place for that question to come up in any situation, but in that Applebee's at 9:00 PM on a Sunday evening in the middle of a three-day weekend from work, it was the scariest and most honest question I had been asked in a long time.  And it was completely "right".

I told her what I was planning on telling her in the days or weeks to follow but could have just as easily pushed off for another month or year even had she not intervened.  I told her I knew I was gay and she didn't laugh at me, she didn't recoil, she didn't even go mute.  Though I could barely form sentences during our two-hour session, Michelle spoke to me in love and appreciation for being honest with her.  I had no idea such a reaction was possible.  She stressed I would very likely have a rough road ahead of me, but that all she and Jake wanted for me was to be happy and "freedom for my heart, soul and mind".

In no way were these the same people who had sat around their table one night years ago and joked with those present about the fags and dyke they employed at their coffee shop.  These were the Christian man and woman I looked up to and tried to model myself after.  These were the people I became friends with through missions trips and small groups.  These were the people I loved more than almost anyone else in the world.  And finally, finally, I was back to being me.  I am not exempt in this.  There were times I turned on them too.  I cursed their names and thought them terrible people.  For the most part, that was my own fear poisoning my heart.

This week has been hard.  I have gotten used to pushing my feelings aside.  I don't lie about or fake my emotions or ideas, but I know how to hide and avoid them.  This week, I have come out of hiding.  Over the past couple years I had built walls so high around myself even I had no idea where they ended and the open skies began.  I don't believe there has ever been a time I've felt more vulnerable.  However, I would not and will not go back.

Over the course of the next two days, I had personally told everyone at work.  They were completely positive and accepting and just glad I didn't feel like I had to hide around them anymore (have I ever mentioned how much I love my coworkers, cause I totally do).  Those feelings of misery and torture that Michelle had observed me having at work--gone.  I don't even know how to describe how freeing it was.  I kid you not, a brick the size of Texas was removed from my shoulders.  And more importantly the stone over my heart started to crack.  I hadn't realized how much anger had been inside of me and how sufficiently it was eating me alive.

When Wednesday rolled around and my madre made it back from her 10-day trip to Mali, God had already set up a prayer network around me for telling my parents.  I was also given amazing perspective on my issue when Mom told us about the looming drought in Africa and how farmers are eating their crop seeds just to survive.  Just like in school where you don't want to follow the thought out and wrenching presentation just given on the Holocaust with your 5-slide power-point on the Iron Curtain, I didn't want to follow starving children in Africa with "hey guys, I'm gay".  But there was no way I could go another day without telling them.

I plucked up the courage.  They looked me in the eyes and told me they would always love me.  My dad said, "you'd better thank your Uncle Randall (my dad's gay brother) because if I hadn't known him I would have a lot harder time with this."  I told him I thank God everyday for my Uncle.  After giving me a hug, my mom followed with, "well I guess I had better stop looking for a boyfriend for you then".  And then without missing a beat, "don't think this doesn't mean I don't want grandkids!"

Ladies and Gent, my parents.

Now don't you go thinking I forgot the brudder.  I told him six months ago.  He loves me and is a "modern" man and we haven't spoken about it since.

There's still people I need to tell firsthand.  But knowing that most of my closest friends and family know and don't think any less of me is incredible.  I am dead serious when I say I do feel free.  I had completely underestimated the hold hiding this had had over me.  I also disregarded how this was affecting my relationship with God.  This entire time I have felt Him, and tried to figure out where He was trying to lead me in all of this.  But at some point I got so focused on me and my confusion and pain that I stopped following the plan he was laying out for me.  Even though it has only been a few days since I've come out, His hand has been in it all.  I feel like I make Him proud again.

I know there are people who would say I am wrong, that there is no way God would create me this way let alone want me to live an openly gay life.  I understand that, I do.  Some of the people I told this week are struggling with that very same thought.  I used to struggle with that very same thought.  But after years of wrestling, I am at peace in the knowledge that God loves me.  I ask, why would anyone worship a God of love if doing so means denying them the possibility of experiencing love?  His love is broader than any of our minds can imagine.  It's possible the Bachmanns and Phelps of the world are right and I and everyone like me are going to Hell, but what loving God would decide that.  The God of my heart wants me to be happy and rejoice in Him in every aspect that He created me to be.  My heart is saturated in thanksgiving and grace and I am so very blessed to be alive in this time and in this place.

The same person I always was and always will be,
-KL

A Commotion

The past 48 hours have been sheer Coffee Geekdome.  Seriously.  So good.  So much caffeine.  Buzzed.   And loving it.


Colombia Source Trip from Stumptown Coffee Roasters on Vimeo.

Nothing New to Tell You

Dear Mongo-Sloth,
I'm at 70 songs, time to start narrowing down. Realistically, you should come home more often so I can just burn you a different CD every time. Es verdad.

In other related news of goodness, our exchange student just admitted that "'Glee' is hilarious". Another faithful convert.
He's been watching the second season, backwards I might add, so I told him if he wanted to start from the beginning all he had to do was say "Sue Sylvester".

We're struggling right now to find another slave at the Cuda. Well, we have some prospective employees, but the triumvirate is divided. I think it's coming down to an emotions vs. logistics decision and it's just plain not fun. I would even go so far as to deem it "stressful". Something I don't need, especially as I breakaway into the final seven weeks of my undergraduate life.

Oh well, this is what I'm accustomed to, it'll be weird when I don't have school anymore. But then again, I have a feeling I won't stay out of it one way or the other for very long.

I hope you've prepared yourself for this mix of majesticness, because it has been prepared for you.
-KL

A Horse is Not a Home

A. put in her two weeks today.
To say I am bummed, is putting it lightly.
Who is A.? An awesome, awesome gal. She works hard, laughs a lot, enjoys making funny faces with me, listens to sick music, does weird dance moves with her spidery arms and legs and puts up with the stupid afternoon boys.

The Triumvirate of Cuda (Jake, Michelle and I) have three interviews tomorrow. We're looking for someone that comes endowed with experience in the coffee biz already so that we can hopefully cut down on the extensive training period by any fraction we can. There were already plans to hire someone else, but with this new development, it's even more important we find someone exceptional.

As it is, maybe half of our current staff is actually trained to make drinks/work bar which makes it rough when 4/5 of us want Sundays off to go to church.
It's just madness--sheer madness.
Ok, not really, but it would be nice to have a reprieve. And after spending hours training A. to fill position, it totally whomps that she's leaving. But again, not her fault and she will be missed more than she knows.

So back to the drawing board and back to the grindstone. Whistling all the way.

-KL

Give Me the Key

Mark My Words: I Might Be Something Someday

Goodbye 2009.
Hello 2010.

Dear 2009,
You were pretty swell. You went a bit fast, but we had some good times.
I got my first real job. It's awesome, most of the time.
I traveled to three different countries, two of them (Albania and England for a bit) on my 5th(?) mission trip. Canada was a blast and I am so very thankful for the people that went with me and the experiences we had, even sleeping in a baseball dugout. That trip freed me in quite a few ways.
I learned more about Russian history than I will ever want to know. Though I will be learning even more this year (can't wait).
Sounds kinda sad, but after two years at WSU TC, I made a friend that I actually do stuff with outside of school. Now we can learn about/be tortured by Russia together!
I was on the APNC at West Side (something anyone reading my blog even pseudo-regularly would know about).
I finally moved back into the real house.
Just kidding, it's still not done.
I had a kick-ass New Year's Eve.
I think that's about the gist of you.

So thanks for being a smokin' fine year,
-KL

Dear 2010,

I am looking forward to you. We had a shaky start with food poisoning, but I think we can make up for that.
I think some big things will be taking place on your watch. I'm already looking forward to the high school retreat in about 3 weeks. There's also the high probability of an extended "hiatus" from youth worship team. I'm quite relieved for that to occur as well. And April. Sweet, glorious April. Why can't you be here sooner?
Anyways, I hope we work out quite splendidly. I'm pretty sure we will. I guess that's it for now, I'm sure we'll see each other around. I look forward to it!

To 363 more days of unicorns, chap stick, and clean socks;
-KL

Hope all four of you reading this have a fantastic year to come as well! If not, I might be able to get you 2010's address and you can go have a word with it--crowbars are pretty effective as well.

About as Much Sense as a Nursery Rhyme

It's been almost three weeks since I've posted. I would blame finals, but they're finally over. I would blame APNC, but that's mostly over as well. So I guess I'll just blame will.

Brief run-down:
Finals went fine. Grades were appreciated--even the stupid Russian/Writing History course went well. I think it helped that we had a bigoted, right-wing, nut job in the class who accused us all of being communists. He also threw out candy as prizes during his oral presentation...I don't really have high hopes for him.

We have a youth pastor joining us mid-January. Just in time for the HS retreat at Bozarth--something I and many others were hoping would work out. His name is Stuart and he came HIGHLY recommended. I have spent very little time getting to know him (and even less his wife, Colleen), but his Sunday School lesson was great and all the students enjoyed him and that speaks volumes to me.
I am sorry for the other candidates and their families. We got to know some really great people and I wish them all the best. I wish some could still come hang out.

Work is work. Yesterday I subbed for Brandon, who just had a baby and his girlfriend was in the hospital for popped cesarean stitches. Subbing for him put me on close with KayLea, who is one of the girls they hired this past summer, making her and I two of the newest people there. We've never closed together before. It was insane. Because it was the weekend after Christmas, lots of people were leaving town for home and decided to order giant lists of giant drinks on their way out. I think it's perfectly reasonable to be a bit enraged at the man/family who orders 6 large drinks in the drive-thru then doesn't tip a penny.
Regardless, KayLea and I had fun even in the midst of madness. It was exhausting though.

Speaking of work, my manager has gotten Brandon, Cory and I to start watching Lost.
It's a show I always knew I would watch, it was just a matter of when.
I'm half-way through season 2 and I find it to be "alright".
A list:
What I like--Locke, Sun, the scenery, numbers (though I miss 47), flashbacks, how I feel like I need to be on narcotics to understand certain aspects
What I don't like--anything to do with Jack, Michael, Charlie, Walt's dog, how everything has to be solved with fists or guns. Actually, my list of things I don't like could go on, but I watch the show anyways. So what does that say about me.

Ok, my bloggingness is fizzing-out and I'm being distracted by $5 mp3 albums on Amazon.
Maybe I'll do some sort of "end of the year blog special extravaganza". But if you hold your breath for it, you might die. So don't.

Who said days-off can't be at least semi-productive,
-KL

Confetti's More Fun Than Paper

It never fails.
The Friday I have something major due, directly followed up by something else, is always the Friday that Katey can't work.
Now, I'll forgive her cause she's nice...well, except for that one morning she scheduled off because she was going to the premiere of "New Moon".

Regardless, my day began at 5:30.
Mmm 20* darkness. How I love you.

Fridays are kind of a hectic day down at ol' Barracuda. I can never remember if "Friday On" or "Friday Off" is more busy. Whichever one today was, that's the one.

The end of this story that I'm trying to get to is that I had a paper due today. And by paper, I mean, freaking-mass-of-boring-crap-and-way-too-long-requirement-to-ever-benefit-mankind. I was less than thrilled. It doesn't help that I really don't like the prof. Usually, if I like the prof at all, or just have a general respect for them, I'll put a good amount of effort into it. This guy is kind of a jerk. He's probably one of the most brilliant people I will ever meet. No lie. But he's pretty full of himself and his scholarly ways. And he likes Russia. Really, I think that's where my fundamental fountain of dislike for him stems from.

So, I'm "a history major". I like history. People sometimes gag when I admit that. I'm used to it.
If I were to pick one place and one time of history to NOT study, it would probably be Soviet Russia. Guess what my entire semester of "Writing History 300" has been about?
Did you guess? Eastern Polynesia during the Age of Imperialism, you say? Nope. What is Stalinism and Soviet Russia, Alex?

I could go on complaining about this man and how the other class I'm taking from him (a 102) is probably 9.4x harder than any other course I've yet to take in my entire academic career, but I won't.

So this paper. It was due electronically at 5 PM. I sent it in at about 5:03.
It was crap.
I'm kind of ashamed. But what am I gonna do? I felt no interest, no tie, no inspiration to this paper. It was probably the most cut and dry assignment I've ever had to do. And oh yeah, it was supposed to be 12-15 pages.

It wouldn't surprise me if I get a 'C'.
That'd be new.

What is surprising is how done I am.
I'm so tired of school. Fifteen years is so long. Too long. The majority of my life has been spent in education.
Now, I have nothing against education. I rather enjoy learning. I just wish we didn't weigh our futures so heavily upon what we learn within the first quarter of our lives. Shouldn't all of life be a learning process? Why do we have to have it all done, in the formal sense, so early on?
The quandaries of a third-year college student.

After the paper-which-shall-not-be-named, I drove off to Ralph's for yet another APNC dinner. This time I bought the beans. My hamburger was burnt. So eventful.
Mostly, I went upstairs with the chill'uns. I actually got little Rebecca K. to smile and play with me! That right there was a feat I never expected to accomplish.

Let me just say how awesome it is being around the kids and youth at events such as these. Not APNC in particular, but any such function. Don't get me wrong, I love me a little "Adult Time", but being around kids is just so much more rewarding. As long as you're goofy and willing to be on their level (which vertically I easily am), they'll take you in. They're agendaless! They won't ask, "so what did you think of this" or "so how was your day", but not really care. There's little need for awkward, forced conversation.
Therefore, most of my post-dinner time was spent catching ribbon butterflies shooting out of an elephant's trunk and playing hot-potato with various balloons. And I enjoyed myself.

Now, what says Post-APNC-dinner-after-party in KaraLynn's mind?
I'm glad you asked.




Crashing a 14-year-old's birthday party, duh.


Don't you just love it when you think your entire evening is going to suck and it actually turns out way better than you thought possible? I know I do.

Although it was kind of ironic that at this after-party, we watched Anastasia. I did however inform the naive girls that in reality, Anastasia was brutally murdered with the rest of her family. No one escaped. Even the evil Rasputin was poisoned, drowned, shot, and thoroughly hypothermiated to the death.
Now that's enjoyable history at work.

Cheers to the immensely inaccurate animated portrayals of historical events which will forever be etched into the future generations' minds (Disney's Pocahontas, this means you!),
-KL

Is the Snow Deep Enough for Us to Dance in

In order to commemorate Thanksgiving today, I wore clean underwear.

Then I had an allergic reaction to something I ate, or just something in general.
Unpleasant.

And just because someone enjoys your service doesn't mean they enjoy it enough to tip you on holidays. Just an FYI.

Bed before 9:30. Gift card extravaganza tomorrow.
So excited.


Not.



I'm gonna go have a fit of cool epilepsy now,
-KL

Spider v. Bat; Tiger v. Rat; Owl v. Dove

So, I told Molly I would blog tonight.
I half regret that as my eyes roll back in my head and I curl up more cozily under my quilt. Regardless, this will be a much shorter blog than I planned on (oh yes, I plan my blogs, what kind of J would I be if I didn't).

Mostly what I was going to blog about was my day (hmm, go figure). It was a crazy one. I went at 6 this morning and opened with Kristin. She nonchalantly told me that the wi-fi was down and no one knew what to do to fix it, not even the Cline's computer guys. Now normally, the only bad thing about wi-fi being down would be that it's much harder to check my facebook on the go, but at work, our computers need the wi-fi in order to charge credit cards. This especially means bad news for whoever is running the drive-thru (i.e. me) because they have to ring up the order in the back and then explain to the customer, "no, I'm not running away with your credit card, I need to go up front and scan it because I've been building up bad karma for days when I work."

So my legs were thoroughly streched today, along with my patience as the back-up credit card machine crapped out for 10 minutes and then the computers had to be rebooted. Awesome.

Josh, the manager, was also working this morning and he tends to get stressed out easily. Possibly even easier than I do. Which is somewhat surprising. Hmm.
So most of the first seven hours of my day were spent like that. :)

Much to my pleasure, Molly randomly texted me during a down moment and gave me a textie-hug...I'm making that a word. Seriously though, Molly, I really needed that! Also, I downloaded an Eisley CD. I haven't listened to much, it's ok...I think I'm the type of person new music needs to grow on, so I'll get back to you after I've listened to it a few more times. We'll see if that happens before Sainthood comes out, once that does, nothing else will even be streaming through my headphones. Currently I'm stuck on Metric though. Nice beats, random words. OK, tangent.

So after work, I walked to the front of the store to find (pause for dramatic effect) Rebecca! Once again, it was so nice to just sit and talk to an actual person, not a crazed customer who had not been filled with caffeine and paid with a nickel and a credit card yet. We do need to do that more often, I mean, we live in the same city(ish), how hard can it be?

Tomorrow is Sunday, which means APNC. Let's just ignore that for now. I feel my shoulders tensing already, hurray!

Well, tomorrow is another day. Where does all this time go? It can fly for all I care. I wish I could fly. Stream-of-consciousness-writing. Interesting. I'm gonna pass-out.
Night.

May all your wi-fi connections work,
-KL

Wanna Leave But the World Won't Let Me Go

I think I hold resentment towards worldly expectations.
Mostly I say this because of France. Mostly I say this because I want to be done with school. And when I say 'done', I mean I don't want to do it anymore, to the point of dropping out.
I know I won't though. I don't quit when it gets hard, I don't drop things that I'm tired of, I just resent them.
Basically, I know I'm smart and I don't think I need a degree to tell me that. Unfortunately the world sees me differently. And I struggle with that.

My ideal life:
I work part-time at Barracuda and make bank in tips.
I have a side-music project which brings in the rest of my money as I produce completely annonymous tracks.
I do Refinery every Wednesday, but don't have to have a Friday music practice because everybody already knows how to play their instruments and they don't have ADD.
APNC ends immediately and we have the perfect Youth Pastor.
School is unnecessary as I learn everything I need to know from outside reading and Wikipedia.
I have dual-citizenship with Canada.
Nobody moves away.


-KL

So Play It Back In Reverse

I feel like I'm falling behind.
But I don't care.

The one thing I really came away with from Albania is a sense of peace. I know, crazy when compared to some of the moments on that trip, but I felt like everything slowed down. Not in the creepy-time-warp way, but in the
I didn't put as many expectations on myself. I let myself relax.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
That's the blog I started at 2:15 this afternoon before I rushed out of Faye's house (where I was house-sitting) to check the "hidden" schedule at work, pick up a shirt at my house, fly to WS for APNC, dash to Albania Debrief across the parking lot and whirl down the stairs to a presentation about the trip. Now in the midst of that, I got an "urgent" message that I needed to call Jake on his cell. Fearing some overly-dramatic emergency had taken place, I quickly called him back. Really, he just wanted me to work tomorrow at 6.

He also mentioned that he had tried calling me at the Serene's and talked to Faye. At the sound of her beautiful name, my brain flew into panic mode--yet again. They weren't supposed to be home until tomorrow. I hadn't picked up--I left dishes in the sink, my homework was strewn across their table, I hadn't plugged the ethernet cable back into Gregg's computer, on and on.

Now, this may seem a bit 'over-the-top' or so. Especially considering the current state of my room is styish at best, but I take care of peoples' stuff. They were home and their space was not in the way they had left it. I had failed.

I spent the rest of the presentation bouncing my knee, eyeing the clock, waiting to make a mad dash out the door. I get an e-mail from Jake: "Sorry. Need you at 5:15. Hope u get this!" Amp up the anxiety just a tad more.

It ends. I make my way out of the sanctuary--casually saying good-bye and cracking sarcastic jokes to the high-schoolers. I get in my car, put on decently easy-going music and do my best not to speed to Faye's. I get there. I can see her in the window, washing at the sink. I knock on the door. Henry barks, Faye answers.

The smile on that woman's face could calm the freaking stress out of anybody, let alone, KL the 'J'.
She had moved my stuff from the table and counters and put it all together on the couch, Gregg had washed the dishes, both were in great spirits (though I think the freshly washed wine glasses may have helped a bit in that department).

We all talked about our weeks and how things went. I told them about missing the border to Canada and Faye showed me a video of her and her neice laughing (she says we still win btw). I pack up all my stuff and leave with a renewed sense of peace, even though I'm calculating the amount of sleep I'll get once I finish reading about Soviet Russia as I drive the short distance home.

I hardly get in the door when my mom says there's someone on the phone for me. I heave my shoulders thinking Oh God, what now? Thankfully, it's a voice I love to hear, Michelle. She tells me they figured it all out with Nicci and to disregard the e-mail from Jake, I don't need to work tomorrow. Even though I could use the money, it was such a relief.

I also believe that it was such a huge blessing and "I've got you're back, kiddo" on God's part. He once again showed me that he has an amazing sense of ironic humor (one of my favorite kinds!) being that I had started to write about how I've been trying to slow things down and take life easier, especially on my own personal expectations and then everything just snowballed out of control and he just took the lead and showed me he was looking out for me the whole time.

Kinda sorry this is so long, but I've heard it said that if God does something for you and you don't proclaim his power and awesomeness, then you've kind of failed on his part. "For his namesake". That's what it's all about. So put your left leg in and shake it, especially when he demonstrates his power and love for you, his child.

Off to read about the history of the Soviet Union (joy),

-KL

Take a Breath/Take a Breath/With Me/Blow by Blow

I don't really have anything to say tonight.
Ok, that's kinda a lie. I'm sure I could go on about my life and the random details and adventures which occur within it. But I don't know that I will.

Menial details (I suppose I can at least get away with these):
Finally went to Canada this past weekend. It was good, I had a fun time with Jeremy, Kyle and Maribeth. However, if you happen to go up en-route of Metaline Falls (which is the border entrance closest to Idaho), make sure to get there before midnight, otherwise you will be forced to retreat down the hill and attempt to find a camping spot. There are some interesting ones to be had...indeed.

School is boring. I can't wait to be done. Although I do enjoy my "History of Imperial Russia" Prof. She is a bizarre--in a good way.

Work is good. I can make a pretty amazing latte now, though the designs still turn out as deformed hearts or nonsensical swirls. I found out today that the bosses are also letting Nicci go, which I find to be unfortunate. She is, without a doubt, the hardest worker there and I'm sad to see her go. At first I was really intimidated to work with her, but as the past few months passed and I gave her a few rides home, I really started to enjoy her personality and strength. I could totally think of somebody else I'd rather have them fire (two actually), but I'm not the boss and I'm glad I'm not.

And so that brings me to church...yeah.
APNC -> still searching
Refinery -> starts next week
Youth Worship Band -> oh crap, I need to start that again soon, don't I?!
Albania/Deputation -> 6 hours of sharing and debrief this Sunday (can't it just end already? for once I'm glad I have an APNC meeting that afternoon).
There's probably other stuff, but oh well.
Mostly I just miss the kids and want all the meetings to go away so we can finally get started and get back to being with them.

That's all I'm putting out there for now.



Have a refulgent evening my friends/blog stalkers,

-KL