15 January 2009

...and All My Forgettable False Starts

I feel like I've forgotten how to start a blog. Like I need some catchy line that instantly interests people and subconciously tricks them into reading all about my life and my issues. Was I successful?

Well, I'm just going to jump right into if it you don't mind.
I am feeling very apprehensive. About quite a few things actually, but in the forefront is the retreat this weekend. I've found whenever I'm about to begin a "new" experience or go somewhere with a group of people, I begin to get a bit scared. Mostly, I think it's because I will not necesarilly be in control of my time and I will be at the mercy of others and their actions and emotions. I'm also a bit pissed because the three people (students) I hang out with at church the most are not going which leaves me feeling even more vulnerable. Now before you say anything else, I know that as a leader I am supposed to be there for every student. I am supposed to encourage mingling and facilitate an all-encompassing and open environment. For the most part, I believe I do that. I'm pretty good at that and the West Side kids are pretty good at doing that themselves. But there are times when I need a break. Unfortunately, there is only so much I can take of some people (especially when we're all in a confined space for an extended period of time and other various factors).
I won't bore you with other details of where my character fails or my flaws may surface.

I told Ben I'm going to hang out with him and Sara all weekend and that she and I are going to be "besties" by the end of it. A somewhat terrifying yet satisfyingly amusing thought. I'm sure that won't happen, actually I pray that won't happen and I also hope they spend some time apart as well.

Ok, I think I'm done ranting about the retreat. (Don't hold me to it though just in case.)

Segue into life on a larger scale and even more ginormous: God.
So, the past few weeks or month, actually, I've had a lot of time to think (stress on lot). I can't help but think that God is calling me to certain things. That I'm discovering bits of His will in my life, but I am very unsure and even more apprehensive about them than about this four-day retreat. I know that if it is God's will that I'm dealing with here, then the overall outcome will be worth any troubles or pains endured, but the thought of taking those first steps kind of terrifies me--again going back to the idea of losing control over the situation. I don't know where I'm going with this...I just have this little voice in the back of my head prompting me that this is the way I should go. God? I don't know.
Time to go renew my mind.

That's about it.
Little update of my life.
Little peek at what exists of my sanity.
Little show of the larger flaws that exist in me.
Hurrah, everyone's a winner.

And just for kicks...
What I don't enjoy right now:
~metal chairs in 30* weather
~middle-aged women who talk about everything
~accidental breakages of my favorite coffee mug :(

What I do enjoy:
~iPods (must be sung in a "hallelujah" choral voice)
~free wi-fi
~This comic

05 January 2009

KaraLynn + Jesus = Forever <3

I really just want to carve that into a tree right about now. Or maybe find some fresh cement.

Wow. The most spectacular and powerful force in this entire existence loves me and wants to spend eternity with me. My words just can't do justice.

I could run away
You would never leave
You will always stay
Right by my side