27 August 2008

Damn Sand Ninjas

If I still wrote emo poety, I would post some here tonight. Thankfully, I passed through that phase a long while ago--rather quickly.

This week, all three days of it, has been mundane and trivial. Yay for a college lexicon.

Walking back onto campus on Monday officially closed the door on summer. It really hit me after attending my classes for the day. I felt as though no time had passed between May and now. I simply transitioned from one set of classes to the next. There was no time in-between. There was no summer. No new friendships. No learning and discipleship. No life-changing exeriences. The entire eight weeks, possibly the best in my life, seemed like nothing more than a dream. Albeit, there is little evidence that it ever existed in my 'new' day-to-day life. All I have are the memories, which I'm afraid I cling to way too much. Ok, I went a little too far into myself there. Few steps back. Better.

Things I miss the most:

1. Beginning my day with awesome people and God.

2. Ending my day with awesome people.

3. Sexual innuendos and people to laugh with me at them. Srrsly. There have been sooo many this past week and nobody to shoot me knowing glances.

There are many other things I miss, but I need to move on.

Other items of non-joy in my life:

I took my computer in to get serviced (I cannot be a college student without wi-fi and have a brother that IMs girls for hours on the only other computer in the house) and longish story shorter, it's gonna die. I need to get a new one. Begin surfing web pages for hours, now. I spent about three hours today browsing and have it narrowed down to whatever Best Buy has. So much for a summer's worth of house-sitting...plus. Thanks WSU and Lockheed-Martin for your second-hand junk. Love you too.

My dad is back from Hawaii. After much stress and days of searching for answers, my grandpa is finally in an assisted living facility. He seems to like it. He's a proud and vocal guy, so hopefully he'll stick with it. It also costs about two to three times as much as mainland facilities. I'm not sure if my dad's paying for it or not. From what he's told us, it sounds as if my step-grandma is also not doing well. Her mental capacity is severely declining. There are some funny stories to go with it, but mostly it's just sad. Her daughter is going to visit her in the coming week and see what needs to be done.

On a happier note, only 15 and 1/2 weeks until winter break!

I think my main problem is that there is nothing going on for me right now that gets me involved, that makes me feel like I have meaning. No church youth activities start until the end of September. That's really where I need to be. At least, I think it is. We'll see when the time comes. Until then, I don't know.

Well, I'm sorry this post is really just me harping on everything that is getting me down right now. We all have times like that, no? I'm sure things will be fine in a bit. Until then, I've just got to find something to do. I really want nothing more than to invite people over to my house-sitting place to watch a movie and make cupcakes. Is that too much to ask?!

If you've stayed to read this far, I will leave you with a reward--something I randomly found on the net...just for you.

23 August 2008

Another Reason Why

Today I decided to stress myself out immensely by locking my keys in my car. Ok, so I didn't plan this out. I would have to be more twisted emotionally than I am to do that. But I did, nevertheless, lock them in the ignition whilst in the Walmart parking lot.

As soon as the door closed and I took a step away I realized it. Also, unfortunately enough, I had decided to lessen the open space of my windows and roll them up to a mere inch from the door. Had I not done this, I think it would have been easy to slip my hand in and pull up the lock.

Trying not to panic, I go in the store and figure that if nothing else, I can look for someone I know and ask to borrow their phone (ironically enough, my mom and I were talking about trying to get a family plan this morning).

As I'm walking through the bitter-white aisles, I remember the last time I did such a talented thing and how my dad used a metal coat-hanger to open the door. I proceed to find said hangers in the ginormous store that I rarely visit. (That's the other thing that was making me mad at myself, I was there for no reason, I was just bored and in the neighborhood.)

I finally found a section of hangers and picked out the cheapest set of metal ones. I bought them and walked out. I unwound the end of the hanger and straightened it out as best I could. I'm sure I didn't look suspicious at all approaching a car in the middle of the parking lot and shoving a metal hanger down the window.

After a few failed attempts, I backed away for a moment. So many people were coming in and out of my area and I didn't want to look super guilty or get called out for seemingly trying to break into a car. So, I walked around for a bit. Tried my luck with the coat hanger again and just all around frustrated myself.

As I got more and more pissed at myself, I remembered something I had learned, in the previous weeks especially: Whenever possible and whenever needed--pray. I did. I prayed for help and strength and patience. I also prayed for the courage to approach somebody I didn't know and ask for help--something I'm not good at doing even with people I know really well.

After failing a few more times with the hanger, I went back inside. I steered myself towards customer service, where I was sure there would be some sort of phone for me to use. There, of course, was a line and I turned around in frustration and embarrassment. As I turned, I literally saw the answer to my prayer.
There in the check-out lane across from me was Wendy P., the amazing office lady from the church I worked at all summer.

I quietly approached her and after a brief "how's it going" conversation, I asked if I could use her phone to call home for an extra set of keys. I was instantly calmer and at peace (though thoroughly embarrassed). Over the phone, my mom was not quite as calm as I was. She couldn't find the spares and had to call my dad in HI.
Wendy gave me a ride home, where my loving brother laughed at me for my mistake. We eventually found the keys and Ben gave me a ride back to my car.

I know I'll be able to look back at this incident and laugh, but more importantly, I'll be able to look back and see how God was working in the situation and how He answers prayers (in really awesome ways that I never expect). I'm sure He was easily laughing with me as well.


21 August 2008

Beginning with Good-bye

Being my first blog ever (on blogspot anyways), I feel it is necesary to start with something dramatic:

there is a spider on the wall.

Could you feel the tension mounting?

No. Really. I do have something to say that does delicately pull at my heartstrings. Within the last few hours, I have said good-bye to some of the most amazing people. Some I will see again soon. Others, not so much. Though I will miss them all very, very much each day that they are gone.

Things will NOT be the same without them. I won't be able to get in my car at 9 am on Monday for school and not want to automatically go the opposite direction to the church. I won't be able to walk into the WSN narthex without wishing there were 7 other people sitting on the couches, waiting for something to do. Sitting relatively by myself on Sunday mornings will be hard as well. When certain songs that begin with "There's a place that I love to run and play" come up in worship, I will have to giggle to myself and silently sing it to Molly and Sarah. Other things that won't be the same: ultimate frisbee, not having something to do every night of the week, making costumes for puppets, seeing Faye and not having 7 other people shout her name in unison, tampons, cupcakes, walking to/from the Center, and so much else.

This summer has been absolutely incredible. It has also been extremely hard. I can't believe it's over. Seems like just last week we were awkwardly sitting in a van, not talking, as we travelled to Campbell Farm. Trying to comprehend that you all will not be in my life on a daily basis is unfathomable. Well, other than John.

In many ways, I think it's harder staying here. Just because so many things will be different. Even the other people staying here will have a different feel to them. They will no longer be the committee to me, or I the Trainee to them. The kids will still be kids, but they won't necesarilly be "mine."

Well, I'm tired of being all melodramatic. And definitely tired of crying. For tonight anyways. I'm sure tomorrow will bring fresh tears.

Srrsly though. To the 7 of you, should you ever read this. The 7 of you who made this summer amazing, who made me laugh harder than I've probably ever laughed, who made me feel loved every moment I was with you, who grew with me in this awesome adventure: THANK YOU.
Damn it, I'm crying again.

No words could ever describe how grateful I am to you and how much I love each and every one of you.

May God bless you and keep you safe and bring us back together again...someday soon.

KL (Knitting&Latch-hooking)