My first class was cancelled today, so I have an ample amount of time with which to type as they didn't see it fit to send the email sooner than twenty minutes before class starts and therefore give those of us who don't live on campus the time to realize there is no class so we don't have to waste our energy rushing to get to said non-occuring class. Alas, I now have three hours of time to spend at glorious WSU TC before my next amazing class of the day. And to think I didn't want to get out of bed this morning?
On the last blog I posted, I asked for prayer with worship. To whoever read that and prayed, thank you. Friday and yesterday, anyway, were much better. Actually, God answered two of my biggest prayers in quick and concise ways. Love! My first huge concern was that I wasn't a leader. Now I know when I say that, it probably either sounds like I'm super conceited and egotistical--which is probably true--but I felt that being officially recognized as a "leader" in the full sense of the word would help with authority issues that I seem to have with some of the students on the team and well, actually maybe one of the adults as well. I'm in that awkward limbo-land area where I'm not "old" and official and paid to be there so I'm not viewed as a leader, but at the same time, I'm not in high school, friends with almost everyone on the team and could totally do something else with my time (I don't know what, but I sure as damn well could). Plus, I've been there pretty much every single Friday and Wednesday since this program started two years ago and I was leading worship solo an entire year prior to that (my indignity surfaces). So last week after an awful worship session at Refinery, I wrote an email to Michelle (finally) voicing all of my concerns, but I edited it before hitting the send button and removed the part about my desire to be named a leader and join in their secret meetings in which they sometimes make decisons about the program that I don't know I agree with 100%. Michelle responded to my less resentful email basically agreeing with me and asking if I wanted to be an official leader. Jake and she felt that after being a Trainee for the summer, I now have the skill and responsiblity to be a leader. I'm pretty sure I had that before summer started, but I'll take what I can get.
This is getting kinda long, I know. My hypothesis is that because I don't talk much, I write more. Either that or the fact that I have no friends. Kidding. Somewhat.
Second answered prayer: After making me a leader, I was informed that I would be leading next week's (tomorrow's) practice by myself. Oh sweet Jesus. I guess I do already lead Wednesdays all by myself (Eric Carmen anyone?). Nevertheless, I was a wee bit scared. Then last night during prayer requests, Michelle laughs and tells me Sarah will be there. Goody! If nothing else, more than one leader is required to help keep the surplus of participants on track and focused. That is hands down our biggest issue.
So worship and I are doing better. We haven't worked out all of our issues yet, but slowly I hope to get there. I want to make this relationship work. And I still have my Takamine and Jesus waiting at home for me after my group worship spirit has left me.
Well that ginormous blog killed about half an hour. Only two and a half to go. Illegally downloaded tv show time? I'm thinking yes.
Oh and to those of you struggling with decisions and perhaps the answers from God that come with those big decisions, read Romans 12:12. Seriously, my new favorite verse. Saves in a pinch.
-KL
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