SCANDAL!
Today I did something very un-KaraLynn.
I didn't do something I was expected to do.
I didn't do something other people wanted me to do.
On one hand, I feel guilty.
But on the other, I feel kinda rebellious and relieved (can those two go together?).
Today was just one of those days. The kind where you just feel like crap and don't want to do anything but lie in bed and listen to sad music.
But that's not what I did.
I did everything I was supposed to do today except, I skipped the APNC BBQ.
There, I said it.
Following Youth Worship Band practice (which is another matter entirely), I drove home to pick up the baked beans I was bringing and my mom had amazingly volunteered to make for her busy daughter. Then I set off for Ralph's with every corner of my heart dreading another 2 and a half hours of my time spent under other peoples' expectations and control.
When I was about 3/4 of the way to Ralph's, I decided to re-check the schedule and make sure the dinner hadn't started at 5:30. To my further displeasure, it had started at 5. I was pissed. Just another rotten cherry on my melted ice-cream sundae (the food imagery = I was hungry, duh). So there I am, with like a gallon of baked beans, I am tired, and pissed and altogether ready to throw in the towel on all things WS.
And then, in the form of a mystical chime, I was given an out. Jake texted me, inviting me over for monopoly at 8. I quickly responded I might be able to make it, then typed out my dilemma while turning the corner to Ralph's (driving and texting, something I swore I would never do...). Jake then invited me over "whenever".
That was all I needed. There was no way I could have been pleasant at that dinner. Well, I could have, but it wouldn't've been honest.
Even though I feel guilty about more-or-less purposefully skipping the dinner, I feel even more guilty about the vast quantity of baked beans which now reside in the fridge. I suppose I'll tell madre tomorrow.
As for the rest of the committee, I'll see them in less than twelve hours. I don't know exactly what I'll tell them...
I'm just so spent.
My plate is too full. The baked beans are sloshing out.
I admit it.
Solution: TBD.
Fartin' Barton,
-KL
30 October 2009
29 October 2009
Kneel, Condition Your Feelings
So yesterday I did something really dumb. I wore brand new high-tops with low-cut socks. I now have a nickel sized patch of rubbed-clean skin. Awesome.
Other than that, I am gearing up for a marathon weekend. *exhale* Thankfully I had the time to shower tonight so I should be good for three or four days.
I plead APNC, mostly.
We're bringing out our third interviewee.
The good news is this will probably be our last visit. Mostly because we're out of money...and we're all exhausted. I'm trying really hard not to be resentful over the whole process and some of the people involved. It's no easy task being on a church committee, let alone one that meets every week for months on end.
I'm SO ready for this to be over. And hopefully (fingers crossed), we'll have a new Youth Pastor all decided upon by mid-November.
But enough about that.
The good news is, Canadian mail is about 10x better than USPS. I know everyone was gripping their seat in anticipation of me getting my Canadian mail and I'm very pleased to announce that my Tegan and Sara bundle has arrived.
I don't know why the photo is sideways...I'm perplexed to say the least.
If you want to hear the CD, which I know you do, come sit in my car with me and we will drive and chat and groove to lyrics that will rock your world. Believe me, I don't lie when it comes to Tegan and Sara. I can pretty much tell you anything that you want to know about them, well, except maybe their shoe size, but I think it's a 7, maybe 6.5.
Creeped out yet?
Seriously though, come chill with me in my car. 'Tis one of my favorite things to do. I'll drive you somewhere. Anywhere.
I think the four shots (of coffee) I had aren't going to let me sleep anytime soon. Which is unfortunate as I have to work at 6 tomorrow. I feel like Finn on cold medicine.
Further embarrassed,
-KL
Other than that, I am gearing up for a marathon weekend. *exhale* Thankfully I had the time to shower tonight so I should be good for three or four days.
I plead APNC, mostly.
We're bringing out our third interviewee.
The good news is this will probably be our last visit. Mostly because we're out of money...and we're all exhausted. I'm trying really hard not to be resentful over the whole process and some of the people involved. It's no easy task being on a church committee, let alone one that meets every week for months on end.
I'm SO ready for this to be over. And hopefully (fingers crossed), we'll have a new Youth Pastor all decided upon by mid-November.
But enough about that.
The good news is, Canadian mail is about 10x better than USPS. I know everyone was gripping their seat in anticipation of me getting my Canadian mail and I'm very pleased to announce that my Tegan and Sara bundle has arrived.
I don't know why the photo is sideways...I'm perplexed to say the least.
If you want to hear the CD, which I know you do, come sit in my car with me and we will drive and chat and groove to lyrics that will rock your world. Believe me, I don't lie when it comes to Tegan and Sara. I can pretty much tell you anything that you want to know about them, well, except maybe their shoe size, but I think it's a 7, maybe 6.5.
Creeped out yet?
Seriously though, come chill with me in my car. 'Tis one of my favorite things to do. I'll drive you somewhere. Anywhere.
I think the four shots (of coffee) I had aren't going to let me sleep anytime soon. Which is unfortunate as I have to work at 6 tomorrow. I feel like Finn on cold medicine.
Further embarrassed,
-KL
27 October 2009
Go Steady with Me
The post might be semi-incoherent/tangent laced because I'm finding it hard to focus due to the fact that it is SAINTHOOD DAY and I am soooo distracted by the beautifully captivating lyrics pouring out of my stereo speakers.
I'll leave you to figure out that one.
So on Sunday I drove Kyle back to EWU because that was literally the only time we could spend together during his short visit home. I'm so glad we did it that way too. I love that guy (in the most platonic way possible, of course). I find him to be one of the easiest people I know to talk to. And talk I needed. And let's face it, what better time to talk than when you are confined to a very small space that is hurtling down a freeway at 70 mph.
We geeked out a lot too. Movies, TV, Final Fantasy, Glee, Company of Thieves, Tegan and Sara, Zelda, singing Oscar Wilde. These are a few of my favorite things. Oh the beauty, it astounds.
When we arrived at Eastern we walked around in the dark and reminisced more. I met his reclusive roommate and then departed into the dark void between Cheney and the TC. It was a good trip. Much needed. I think I already said that, but oh well.
Pause for listening to catchy riff.
Now my keyboard has become a drum, sweet!
Other than that, life is pretty general.
Though to pierce my head, that would be a feat.
I'm contemplating a lot of things lately. Well, more just re-contemplating. When I decide what to do, you may be among the first to know. Though I don't think I'd ever do it via blog.
yeah, this post is totally sound and in no way ambiguous.
Just the way I like it.
Now you know you know it now,
-KL
I'll leave you to figure out that one.
So on Sunday I drove Kyle back to EWU because that was literally the only time we could spend together during his short visit home. I'm so glad we did it that way too. I love that guy (in the most platonic way possible, of course). I find him to be one of the easiest people I know to talk to. And talk I needed. And let's face it, what better time to talk than when you are confined to a very small space that is hurtling down a freeway at 70 mph.
We geeked out a lot too. Movies, TV, Final Fantasy, Glee, Company of Thieves, Tegan and Sara, Zelda, singing Oscar Wilde. These are a few of my favorite things. Oh the beauty, it astounds.
When we arrived at Eastern we walked around in the dark and reminisced more. I met his reclusive roommate and then departed into the dark void between Cheney and the TC. It was a good trip. Much needed. I think I already said that, but oh well.
Pause for listening to catchy riff.
Now my keyboard has become a drum, sweet!
Other than that, life is pretty general.
Though to pierce my head, that would be a feat.
I'm contemplating a lot of things lately. Well, more just re-contemplating. When I decide what to do, you may be among the first to know. Though I don't think I'd ever do it via blog.
yeah, this post is totally sound and in no way ambiguous.
Just the way I like it.
Now you know you know it now,
-KL
23 October 2009
How Do I Know If I'll Make It Through
God is good.
^
|
when a blog starts out with that, I'm pretty sure it's a good sign...
Tuesday night was the whole facebook chat debacle which left me feeling a giant hole in my gut.
The very next night was a 180.
Instead of having the usual Refinery at WSC, we moseyed on over to Bethel to hear a guest speaker from down under. The place was packed. I've never been in Bethel before, but let me just say MEGACHURCH.
Anyways, most of my girls and I sat in the ginormous overflow room.
This is who we heard:
I didn't know it at the time, but the boy who wanted to kill himself was at the event as well. He went forward for altar call and he was crying.
God knows what we need. He knows what He's doing.
I'm glad someone does.
^
|
when a blog starts out with that, I'm pretty sure it's a good sign...
Tuesday night was the whole facebook chat debacle which left me feeling a giant hole in my gut.
The very next night was a 180.
Instead of having the usual Refinery at WSC, we moseyed on over to Bethel to hear a guest speaker from down under. The place was packed. I've never been in Bethel before, but let me just say MEGACHURCH.
Anyways, most of my girls and I sat in the ginormous overflow room.
This is who we heard:
I didn't know it at the time, but the boy who wanted to kill himself was at the event as well. He went forward for altar call and he was crying.
God knows what we need. He knows what He's doing.
I'm glad someone does.
20 October 2009
I Know More Than I Knew Before
I don't know.
And it sucks.
I have a fourteen-year-old girl telling me via facebook chat that her boyfriend is threatening to kill himself and his best friend wants her to fix it.
How do we get here?
How do we get out?
As I respond back to her, in-between prayers, I'm pretty sure she texts her boyfriend, pleading for answers and reasons I don't think any fourteen-year-old mind can truly comprehend.
It feels so surreal. So raw and bright and painful.
I don't think he'd go through with it. But I don't want to rest on an assumption.
I was fourteen once. I was quasi-suicidal. I'd never go through with it. But the need to make it all stop was still there, like a pulse.
"...I think the world needs more kind people in it, no matter who or what they are, or do....And I can tell you this with certainty: You are worthy and capable of finding a way to live your life just the way you really are. And there are plenty of good people in the world who believe that a life like yours needs to be lived...Go ahead, give yourself permission to become the kind of person you've always dreamed you could be."
I just wish the world tried harder to emphasize how valuable every single person is. I like the way a woman from India who was in my Gender class last semester put it, "We don't waste people, everyone has their gifts." In context, she was talking about the hijras of India, but I think these words apply to all of God's creatures.
Maybe I'm just idealistic.
Regardless, prayer is paramount.
I'm fucking terrified.
These kids, they're just kids! They shouldn't need therapy or meds or to have all the sharp objects in their room locked up! Or have to feel like if they abandon one another, the consequences will be grave--literally. Trapped.
Keep breathing. Baby steps. Live. Life.
And it sucks.
I have a fourteen-year-old girl telling me via facebook chat that her boyfriend is threatening to kill himself and his best friend wants her to fix it.
How do we get here?
How do we get out?
As I respond back to her, in-between prayers, I'm pretty sure she texts her boyfriend, pleading for answers and reasons I don't think any fourteen-year-old mind can truly comprehend.
It feels so surreal. So raw and bright and painful.
I don't think he'd go through with it. But I don't want to rest on an assumption.
I was fourteen once. I was quasi-suicidal. I'd never go through with it. But the need to make it all stop was still there, like a pulse.
"...I think the world needs more kind people in it, no matter who or what they are, or do....And I can tell you this with certainty: You are worthy and capable of finding a way to live your life just the way you really are. And there are plenty of good people in the world who believe that a life like yours needs to be lived...Go ahead, give yourself permission to become the kind of person you've always dreamed you could be."
I just wish the world tried harder to emphasize how valuable every single person is. I like the way a woman from India who was in my Gender class last semester put it, "We don't waste people, everyone has their gifts." In context, she was talking about the hijras of India, but I think these words apply to all of God's creatures.
Maybe I'm just idealistic.
Regardless, prayer is paramount.
I'm fucking terrified.
These kids, they're just kids! They shouldn't need therapy or meds or to have all the sharp objects in their room locked up! Or have to feel like if they abandon one another, the consequences will be grave--literally. Trapped.
Keep breathing. Baby steps. Live. Life.
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