Equally Skilled

Ecclesiastes 11

Invest in Many Ventures

¹ Ship your grain across the sea;
after many days you may receive a return.
² Invest in seven ventures, yes, in eight;
you do not know what disaster may come upon the land.

³ If clouds are full of water,
they pour rain on the earth.
Whether a tree falls to the south or to the north,
in the place where it falls, there it will lie.
⁴ Whoever watches the wind will not plant;
whoever looks at the clouds will not reap.

⁵ As you do not know the path of the wind,
or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb,
so you cannot understand the work of God,
the Maker of all things.

⁶ Sow your seed in the morning,
and at evening let your hands not be idle,
for you do not know which will succeed,
whether this or that,
or whether both will do equally well.

Remember Your Creator While Young

⁷ Light is sweet,
and it pleases the eyes to see the sun.
⁸ However many years anyone may live,
let them enjoy them all.
But let them remember the days of darkness,
for there will be many.
Everything to come is meaningless.

⁹ You who are young, be happy while you are young,
and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth.
Follow the ways of your heart
and whatever your eyes see,
but know that for all these things
God will bring you into judgment.
¹⁰ So then, banish anxiety from your heart
and cast off the troubles of your body,
for youth and vigor are meaningless.

I don’t remember when I first read this passage, however, even as a “J”, I fell in love with it.  I tend to plan out my steps, even when I have no idea where I am headed.  I can be honest in saying most of the time I have no idea what path I am taking, but so help me God, I am taking that path.  But it doesn’t need to be like that.  Much like Jeremiah 29:11 or Psalm 139, God’s plan is so much bigger and better than anything I could ever fathom or conceive.  That’s why I especially love Ecclesiastes 11:5 so much.  We cannot understand why God does what He does.  He had a purpose for creating mankind and for continuing to love and pursue us even when we sinned and fell short of all the glory He intended for us.  He has a purpose in creating each and every person on this Earth, the path they walk, the way they know His presence whether through His Word or just His Spirit.  There is reason behind us all.

It is with these words and this truth on my heart that I will walk into Ralph’s office tomorrow.  I set up a meeting with him so that he can hear directly from me that I, a follower of Christ Jesus, am also gay.  I don’t know where this will lead.  I have hopes and I have fears.  I sat in service Sunday morning and wondered if this would be the last service I would attend at West Side without feeling like an outcast.  I’ve taken part in this church my entire life.  My parents were married there, my grandparents were married there, I was welcomed for 22 years there.  Will this change that?  I think I’d be in denial if I didn’t say yes. 

Perhaps I’ll be banned from volunteering.  Perhaps nothing will happen.  Perhaps they’ll call a Secret Session Meeting in my (dis)honor.  I really don’t know how this will play out.  My dad and I were talking about coming out to the church the other day and he said something I had thought about, but hadn’t put much energy into.  He said, it might not even be the staff that takes issue with me being a part of ministry, it may be the parents of the youth I serve who truly find a problem.  Perhaps I’ll be dishonorably discharged without a hearing or chance.

One thing I do know.  I will not be the victim.  I have done nothing wrong.  People will tell me that so long as I am not “active” or “practicing” or “engaging in a lifestyle of sin” that I am fine to continue on and serve God and the Church.  Seriously, you want to use descriptions like that to describe a human life?  You make me sound like a voodoo robot.  People may disagree with the “homosexual lifestyle”, I get that.  However, to them I ask, do you know that the one thing you are trying to deny me is love?  There is no other “sin” in the Bible that requires someone to forsake love.  None.  How can we single out one specific “sin” and ask it to trespass against the one commandment Jesus gave us?  Now this gets into another blog entirely or rather another conversation entirely. 

I guess what I wanted to say is, I know where I stand.  I stand on the path of God.  I have no clue at all where that is, but it will lead me to places I cannot imagine.  I have seen too many of my Christian friends come out only to lose their faith.  I think as the representative of God’s word on Earth, the Christian Church holds much guilt in that.  It doesn’t have to be that way.  No matter what one believes, God’s love should surpass any misgivings about another person’s differences.  I don’t know another out gay person that still has faith.  That troubles me and scares me even.  I don’t want that to happen to me.  I have to remember that West Side is not God.  It is a place seeking and honoring God and it is a wonderful place at that.  If they reject me, it is not God rejecting me.  How could He?  I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  He has plans for me.  He has plans for you.  “You cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.”  Thank Jesus.  If I understood half of the things He did, I think my head would explode.  That’s just how awesome it would be.

I am scared to enter that office tomorrow, to give any reason (illegitimate as it may seem) to be disqualified from the full benefits of Church leadership.  But I do so in the hope that someday things will change.  The Church has for far too long made enemies of the people it should be reaching out to, embracing, protecting.  In the name of Jesus, the Church has persecuted Muslims, science, women, black people, women again, Jews, more Muslims and gay people.  I don’t see why more people aren’t upset about this.  The Church is not infallible.  God is.  The Church is not God. 

It’s late and I didn’t mean to go on a tirade against the Church.  In truth, it has done so much good for the world, but the darker parts of its history should not be forgotten.  Obviously, it’s something I’ve personally looked into and feel deeply rooted in.  For what is faith if not an introspection of God’s work in our lives in order to better understand His work and our purpose within the world.

12:12

“Joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”

May tomorrow contain all of these,
-KL