Gracefully Cursed

Hola!
It's been awhile, my imaginary .com friends.

So DOMA has been for the most part repealed, Prop 8 has been deemed unconstitutional and with that 13 states containing over 30% of the American population live in states where same-sex marriage is legal.  Battles have been won--astonishingly major ones of late--but the fight continues on.

This past weekend I attended two of my very good friends' wedding.  It was full of laughter and joy and ridiculousness, and love.  The fact that it was two women getting married was of no consequence.  Just overwhelming love and a really great party!

Now a lot of people might be getting really tired of hearing about gay marriage, conservative bigots, the "gay agenda" so to speak.  I can see where you're coming from.  Sometimes it just seems like an awful lot of noise.  But it's moments of "finally" like watching my friend boogie down the aisle to "Cupid Shuffle" with her dad that make all the tug of war games these groups are playing at worth it.

One figure that I'd like to imagine is less prominent than he probably is would be Mr. Pat Robertson.  He's always pretty blatantly honest about how he feels about The Gays.  Why just the other day he reigned down from his version of Christendom that if he saw a picture of a same-sex couple kissing on facebook he "would punch vomit, not like" were the option available to him.

To Mr. Robertson I pose this question:

It's rhetorical.

Hearing the interview with dear old Pat and the remarks he makes, I can't help but think of this monologue from the film Prayers for Bobby.  And with that I'm just going to let Sigourney Weaver speak for herself.  I mean, it's Sigourney Weaver, c'mon people.

"A child is listening."  Amen.

If you want to explore this a little bit more with me, or if you have some extra time, then I would encourage you to watch the following short film.  Blogger Rachel Held Evans posted about it last week and stated:

The film is meant to be provocative, of course, so not everyone will like it. But it reminded me of one important, reality-based fact: Most people begin to recognize their sexual orientation when they are just kids, when they are young and vulnerable like this little girl. So when we, in the Church, discuss homosexuality as though it were an issue faced by “other people” who are “out there,” when we resort to stereotypes and language about hell and judgment and damnation, we may be doing serious damage to the most precious and vulnerable among us. Even our casual conversations with one another can be picked up by little ears and internalized in destructive ways. We must never forget that there are kids struggling with the implications of their sexuality in our pews, in our classrooms, and at our own kitchen tables. I am reminded of Jesus’ strong words about having to give an account for our careless words and about the consequences of making any of these little ones stumble.

With all of this in mind, I pray for strength for the journey that we are all on.  One more video, I promise.  Because I think Bette Porter said it best of all when a mantra is needed to buffer against any kind of intrusion of self and ordained worth.

We out.

What Makes a Man____?

I've been trying to figure out a way to write this all down.  And I've been avoiding doing it all together because that somehow makes it more concrete.

October has been a strange, strange month.  This year has been a roller coaster, and no point in time has encapsulated that more than these past few weeks.

Everyone seems interested in telling me how they feel about this.
The excuses they have to feel as they do.  The justifications they've made for the decisions they've come to.

I feel like I've had a death in the family.  As if there is a piece of my life I can no longer reach on this plane.

Enough of the waxing.  Let's cut to the chase.

After telling me more than once that my sexuality would not change my role in leadership or ministry with the youth, session had a secret (not really, but achieve nonetheless) meeting about a "hypothetical" leader with such sinful same-sex attraction and what should be the course of action.  The final verdict was handed to me last Friday.  The following Sunday was the first Fuel/Refinery/SALT I haven't been to in years with the exception of being out of town.
It felt so foreign.  I couldn't sit in church that morning either.  Listening to songs of God's graciousness and receiving stares of much less was enough to drive me from the pew before Ralph even got around to the message.

I feel so conflicted.  My heart is breaking.  For myself and for WS.  I want to fight, but I don't want to be told over and over again how the traditional interpretation of scripture condemns me to a life without any sort of romantic love or deep connection.  I've read the scriptures, I've read the commentaries, I've read beyond them, I've studied context and hermeneutics and so what if I don't have a theology degree or MDiv.  Your viewpoint changes nothing in the Church, nothing in how it treats people or allows them to live.  Mine allows me to live a life loved by God and accepting myself instead of continuing the torturous facade that everything is fine and however much I pray will be enough to make me blameless in the eyes of the Church.

It is not the Church I should seek to please.

So you can keep me from the youth I've spent years getting to know and building community and fellowship with.  You can break my trust in the church I've come to call "home" and "family" and I will still be there for any one of those people on an individual level because that is life-giving.  But you will not take away the relationship that has been built between me and my creator.  My faith.  Only one person can break that--and that is the person the faith belongs to.

I will always love WS.  But right now my journey seems to be leading me away from there.  I don't know what's in store for me.

I just don't.

-KL

Against the Grain

Galatians 1:10

I've Seen All of the Realness