Devil's Thunder

A high school student from West Side came in to the Cuda the other day.
We had a conversation that I still can't quite shake.

I hadn't seen her since I'd been asked to step down, let alone spoken to her.  She's one I've known since she was in fourth grade, one of "my girls" whom I was a Trainee and camp counselor for.
After exclaiming a greeting to her from across the orange front counter, I told her I missed her and asked how life was.
She said all was well and she missed me too--that she never saw me as I didn't come to Fuel anymore.  Just like that.  Just like it was a choice and I simply didn't want to attend these past five months.

I don't know.  Maybe I'm taking too much of this for more than its worth, but it bothers me that any of the students would think that I didn't want to be there, that I didn't want to see them, that I had any choice in this for that matter.

We're reading a book for our small West Side Bible Study on this.  For the more curious, it's called The Gay Gospel? How Pro-Gay Advocates Misread the Bible.  A friend asked me today how the reading selection for the week was going; my unrestrained, immediate response:  soul crushing.

I'm so exhausted by this.  At least the other members of the group are all amazing, patient, thoughtful, open people and we seem to be accomplishing some things.  This book just seems to be destructive to where we've come at this point and discouraging.  Even if I was a straight person reading this, I don't think I'd be able to finish it.

Hopefully the meeting tomorrow goes well.  I know this was a random, semi-stream of consciousness update.  Perhaps someday soon I'll write a more thought out entry about the actual positive things happening in my life.

Until then, you're better off looking up tweeted pictures of goats.  All the cool kids are apparently doing it.
-KL

Blue Jeans

Everything seems to be a waiting game lately.

Waiting for decisions to be made.

Waiting for my mind to change.

Waiting for you to come home.

Waiting for the next day.

And the next.

The next.

What's next?

Cargo Cult

We all have those words we just don't like.  I think "moist" is a pretty common one.  I've also heard "palm" as being a word that just doesn't feel right on the tongue.  Physically it's kinda weird too.  Did you just try it?

Today, and in general, mine is "lifestyle".  Seriously?  This isn't a wardrobe, a passing trend or bad haircut.  This is life.  Whoever coined the phrase "lifestyle, gay" was a mastermind.  Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but it's just demeaning to call an integral part of someone a lifestyle.  

Throw "choice" into the phrase and I might have to cut someone.

Sometimes I wonder if some of these words that I hear and cringe at or that hold a completely different meaning to me will ever resume their "normal" and intended context.  I guess it doesn't really matter, just intriguing.  Indeed.

Also:

That's it, I'm off to bed now. I'll leave you alone.

-KL

Daily Reconciliation

I've been asked to do a "study" with the Youth Elders (yeah, gotta love that oxymoron) about my understanding of this "issue" of homosexuality and Christianity.  It's a little daunting.  A lot stressful.  And even more terrifying to reason that we are not just speaking of an issue that is dividing the Church, but an issue that will determine if I can stay a part of ministry and to a certain degree, continue to follow some of the same teachings and ideologies that I grew up with.

For this reason and others, I am going to start a new blog.  A less personal and emotional one (if I can handle that with such a topic) that will seek to inform and demonstrate how I have come to find myself where I am in relation to sexuality and the Bible and God.  West Side as a corporation stands on the belief that to be "homosexual" is not a sin, but acting on any such feelings is sin (and apparently one that needs to be reprimanded more strictly than any other sin even if they've never asked if I've acted on it or not, the intent is enough apparently).  I, quite obviously, do not hold such beliefs.

With this new blog I hope to answer some common misconceptions on the topic, Biblical and in general; and help myself organize my thoughts and talking points before bringing them to The "No-Touching" Committee (as I've deemed it).  If nothing else, I hope it helps others understand that there is much more than one-side to this issue and just because we've always known or held something to be "true" doesn't mean that we can't think outside of that or even perhaps evolve our thinking.  For how else can we learn, and how else can we better understand the vast array of intricate differences that God has place around us in this world.

http://reconcilethedivide.blogspot.com/

See you on the other side?
-KL

A Science Apart

There's a word that I keep finding on my heart and in my brain lately.

GRACE.

I don't know what's going on right now.  And I am so frustrated by the shape and process this is taking, but I don't want to let that frustration and anger overtake me.  I feel like the grace of the Spirit has really protected me thus far and I want to make sure to reflect that in any and all steps I, myself, take in this.

I think I shall e-mail them tomorrow.  Get their take on why certain things have transpired that they assured were unnecessary steps from the beginning.

Thank you to those who have been praying, have asked others to pray.  Even if I don't reap the benefits of the decisions that shall eventually be reached, I know that they will help others down the line.

Still ridiculously blessed and thankful for the grace poured over me
-KL